Doubt and Fear

Doubt, Doubt in the Dark
David Hively
Nov 10, 11
Peace Lutheran Church
We have been talking the last few weeks about doubts and how some of our ancestors in the faith have lived with, and actually had their faith strengthened by times of doubt. We talked about Luther came through his times of doubt having learned to trust in God alone, and not in the church or its rituals. We also talked about Mother Theresa and Henri Nouwen and how even though they were respected as very spiritual people, they still felt far from God and ultimately learned that their feelings were not a good measure of the closeness of God. That is, despite their feelings to the contrary, God was with them all the while. Today I want to take us back into the scriptures to look at another topic that is closely related to doubt, fear. Doubt and fear have a reciprocal sort of relationship where they feed on one another, each getting stronger when the other is present. So let’s start out with a bit of trivia. I’ll give you the name of a phobia and you tell me what the fear is:
1. Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders
2. Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces
3. Hydrophobia- Fear of water
4. Xenophobia- Fear of strangers or foreigners.
5. Homilophobia- Fear of sermons.
Fear has a very natural and important place in our lives. It is that biological/psychological warning system that gets us ready for fight or flight. It is that part of us that keeps us from the things that would do us harm. It is fear that makes us apply the brakes, or step back from the edge, or put some distance between ourselves and danger. The problem is that fear doesn’t always work for our best interest. It can get mixed up with things that pose no danger to us, and actually keep up from living the kind of life to which God has called us.
I’m reminded of the Avalon community swimming pool. One of the greatest attractions there was the high dive. From the perspective of the four foot tall blond kid on the side of the pool, the 12 foot high diving board looked as though it was scraping the
clouds. One day my friend Sean got it in his head that HE was going to dive off of that board. I don’t know what possessed him. In my elementary school mind, this was about the dumbest thing that he could do. But up he climbed. He was bold at first, moving quickly. But as he went it took longer and longer to climb each rung of the ladder. The further he got from the ground the less sure he was that he wanted to go through with this. Finally, he reached the top. He started shuffling out to the end of the board. With each tiny step the board got more and more spring and felt less and less certain beneath his feet. After what seemed like an eternity, he reached the end of the board. Only his big toes hung off the edge of the board – which by now was bobbing up and down -- even as Sean stood cemented in place, not daring to move a muscle, lest the board begin to bounce even more. So there he stood, dripping wet, the wind rushing past him, afraid of what is to come. Even from the ground you could see him quivering. There he stood, frozen in fear.
“Do not be afraid” That is what the scriptures say over and over again. “Do not be afraid.” All through the scriptures people are told not to be afraid. It is often the first thing that an angel says when it appears. These words were spoken to Abraham, Moses, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds tending their flock on that first Christmas night, Paul sitting in jail, the women searching for the body of Jesus on Easter morning, and in today’s reading – the disciples.
There is little in this world that can be quite so paralyzing as fear. Sometimes it comes on suddenly and freezes you in place, and you are left, caught like a deer in the headlights. The panic washes over you so quickly that there isn’t time to think, much less act. You will hear survivors talk about their experiences and say, “I just froze, I couldn’t do anything. This is immobilizing fear.
But there is another kind of fear, the fear of failure. The slower moving, more sinister variety. This is the kind of fear that is seeded by our doubts. It is the kind of fear that keeps a middle aged person in a job that sucks all the joy out of his life – because they are afraid of the insecurity that comes from a career change. It is this kind of fear that keeps a person locked in an abusive relationship – afraid to reach out to the very people most able to help. It is this kind of fear that keeps a teenager from ever being open enough to allow someone else to see what they are truly like, because they fear
being rejected. And this is the kind of fear that builds on itself. Each job opportunity turned down, each phone number not dialed, each social gathering skipped only further cements the fear’s hold on your life.
In the scripture text for today we find examples of both manifestations of fear. It is night time on the lake. This is well before streetlights and kerosene lanterns so the only light at night was from the moon and stars, which were covered up by storm clouds. The wind and waves danced about the boat, tossing them to and fro. It has been a long night, in fact, it is nearly morning. On the horizon, the disciples see a figure walking across the waves. Vision blurred by heavy eyelids, stung by raindrops, whipped by the wind, caught in immobilizing fear, the disciples cry out, “It’s a ghost!”
It is then that Jesus speaks, “take heart, it is I, do not be afraid.” The same voice that a few chapters earlier called out, quieting the wind and waves, repeats that biblical mantra – do not be afraid. The scriptures do not go into much detail about the effect that Jesus words had on the disciples. We do not know if they were calmed in the same way that the wind and the waves were calmed a few chapters earlier. But we do know that Peter wants to literally take things one step further.
He wants to get out onto the water with Jesus. Sure enough he steps out of the boat and is able to stand there with Jesus, on top of the waves. But this is where that second type of fear, the fear of failure, takes hold. Maybe he has gone too far. This isn’t natural, something is wrong here! The fear of failure takes over and Peter begins to sink, not just into the water, but into his anxieties and fears. But Jesus does not let him fall. He doesn’t allow Peter to be overcome by the waves. Instead he takes Peter by the hand and lifts him up.
It is easier to be courageous in the calm. It is easier to trust God when things are going well. The test of faith comes just before dawn, when the waves are crashing, the wind is howling, and fear has taken hold. It is when our faith is stretched, it is when our trust in God is tried, that we stop clinging to those temporary things that let us down and dissapoint, and learn to focus on Jesus and his promises. Because it is in those moments when we face our deepest fears that we discover just how faithful our God is. That is when the truth of God’s promises is driven home. That is when we come to see our God, and our fears, more clearly.
Eventually, Sean jumped off that diving board. I’m not sure what finally made him do it, but he jumped. And once he caught his breath, he swam over to the side of the pool, climbed up the ladder, and went over to do it again. In overcoming his fear, Sean had happened across something that he really enjoyed. It can sound somewhat trivial so many years later, the fear of jumping off a high diving board. But so often in this life we look back over events in our lives and find that the very thing that we were afraid of came to pass, and yet, we were able to come through it. Yes, you were put out of a job, and it was a tough place to be in, but God delivered and has sustained you with something else in its place. Yes that relationship did not work out, and things were rough for a while, but God is blessing you with new people in your life.
When a fear of failure causes us to sink, or that immobilizing fear keeps us from even stepping out in the first place – Jesus is there. He is there with a reassuring, “I am.” Who is going to take care of me as I look for a new job? Jesus says, “I am.” Where will I find the strength to walk away from this destructive relationship? Jesus says, “Take my hand.” Will anyone still like me if I show who I truly am? Jesus says, “Do not be afraid, it is me.”
This life comes with fears. But in the midst of those fears – God reaches out to us with a supporting hand, and gives us the courage to step out into those dark, doubtful places. And says – take courage, it is I, do not be afraid.
Let us pray – Dear God, there is so much in this life that frightens us and causes us to sink. Help us to trust in you, knowing that you will support and sustain us through even the most frightening times in our lives. Give us ears to hear your voice – Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid”