Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Why the local news sucks

[ steps up onto soap box ]

Ever since I have moved out on my own there is one habit which my parents instilled in me which I have absolutely abandoned . . . watching the local news. It has to be the most inane, idiotic way to spend time (with the exception of a trip to the zoo) ever invented by humanity. Now, I consider myself to be a pretty well informed person as far as the news goes. Maybe that is why I was so disgusted when I stopped ever so briefly on the news channel tonight. The LEAD (that is the most important A #1 story of the day) was about the dog catcher who had such a busy day today chasing down all of the dogs which were scared away by the fireworks the last two nights. You have GOT to be kidding me. You mean to tell me that of all of the people who live in the central Ohio viewing area there is no story more compelling than that of the overworked dog catcher?

And don't even get me started on the local news during sweeps. They resort to 5 second commercials with ominous tag lines like, "The deadly danger which may be hiding under your recliner, tonight at 11." So, of course, like dummies people watch the news that night, and somewhere, usually about 17 minutes into the 22 minute program, they tell a story about some guy in Kazakistan who rocked back in his lay-z-boy and happened to rock onto the tail of some rare breed of puma which was stricken with a bout of flatulence and then clawed him to death.

I just don't get it. What is the appeal to knowing that there was a 3 alarm fire in some random part of town overnight? Is your life really that much richer from watching the weatherman do the weather from the [ insert ethnicity here ] festival? We really do not need 3 or more hours every day of local news. Everything that will have any meaningful impact on my life can be condensed into four minutes. Anything more is just mindless filler.

[ steps off soap box ]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Dave,
It's not quite wandering across the hall at 11 PM with some strange English language question/ponderance, but you definitely still crack me up. That was great. Anyone who walked past my lab right now would probably have wondered how I could find my bacteria so terribly amusing. :) Thanks for sharing. [I may not talk to you...but who say I can't still stalk you??]
-Holly