Superbowl Sunday

Superbowl Sunday Order of Service, Holy Eucharist XXXI

Prior to the Entrance Hymn, the pastors will toss a coin. The winner may elect
to be the preacher or celebrant; the loser may elect to defend the pulpit or
the lectern.

The Entrance Hymn: "A Multitude Comes from the East and West"

The Setting Forth of the Rules
Any acolyte found to be in illegal motion will be assessed a 5-yard penalty or
the loss of one candle
Offering plates may only move laterally; only the Peace may be passed.
The celebrant may fake a hand-off to the lay reader and read the lessons
himself, provided changes in audible signals are given.
A sermon in excess of 18 minutes will be regarded as "Delay of Service" and
the preacher may lose possession of the pulpit.
Gate receipts may be gathered during the halftime show.
Ushers may blitz either the celebrant or the preacher only during
announcements.
Unconfirmed communicants (ineligible receivers) may be restricted to wafers.
The celebrant may be awarded three points for correctly announcing the Super
Bowl Sunday alternate title: The Conversion of St. Paul.

The Lessons
Exodus 14:22: Israelites make quarterback sneak across Red Sea
Ephesians 6:14-17 Dressing players with proper equipment
Matt. 28:16-20 The sending forth of the eleven



The Hymn of the Day: "Pass it on"

The Sermon: "God's Game Plan: A Play-by-Play for You"

Halftime Entertainment: The choir, organist, and handbells

The Distribution
If the pastor is trapped behind the altar railing, the laity score a safety
and the remainder of the service will be played out on the chancel steps.

The 2-Minute Warning (played by the chimes)

Benediction and Closing cheers.
It is further suggested that this service should be videotaped so that instant
replays of the sermon can be used to judge the doctrinal soundness of the
preacher's strategy. Also, a carry-in dish tailgate party may be held in the
church parking lot.